Losing My Pants

The disappearing belongings began at an early age. As early as kindergarten, when I sat down cross legged on the floor, ready to listen to Mrs. Boynton's story time. Like any four year-old child, in our household I made my mother do the laundry, fold my clothes, pick out my clothes, dress me and buy my underwear. However, this day, Marilyn was obviously slacking on her duties. In the middle of Mrs. Boynton's story, I noticed a large lump in my pant leg. I reached in to see what was hiding in there. I pulled my bugs bunny underwear halfway out of my pant leg and quickly stuffed them back into my tube sock. The story time floor plan is very confined so my classmates were sitting right next to me; there was no way I could get bugs bunny into my backpack inconspicuously. How could Marilyn do this to me?! After story time, I walked with a careful yet brisk step to the bathroom. I scrunched my underwear up as tight as possible in my hand and quickly returned to my cubbie where I stuffed them in my backpack, never to be seen in Mrs. Boynton's class again.

This day I lost a sliver of respect for Marilyn and my adolescent self.

The second event took place on the soccer field at Cavett Elementary. It was the fourth grade and for some reason I still hadn't lost the desire to have cartoon-designed underwear. Although my glasses were held together by scotch tape, I had red hair, freckles and one of the gangliest bodies in the fourth grade, I was still semi-cool. I knew how to be 'one of the boys' when I wasn't chasing them around the playground. There was one boy in my class who seemed to have matured into an eighth grade man in the fourth grade. He was tall, tan, and already fully manscaped in my fourth grade eyes. This particular day, we were playing flag football in P.E. I put on my red knitted jersey while the only 'mature man' in my class put on his green knit jersey. (I remember because it really brought out the asshole in his eyes). I stood on the field looking for where my red teammates were gathering so I could join them, when suddenly I felt my pants at the bottom of my ankles. Revealed to my entire class was my Mickey Mouse underwear and my abnormally red face. I was mortified. Maybe kids thought it was just balloons and they couldn't see all the figures of mickey mouse attached to the balloons. I laughed it off, disguising the fact that I was trying to find the culprit so I knew who to turn the entire fourth grade class against. I found him, laughing and sprinting to meet with his green team. It was the 'mature man' in the class. He was so cool, handsome, tall, and now #1 on my shit list.

This was the day I lost my pants.

I'm on a Steamboat

In honor of the Holiday Weekend, over the next few days I will take the opportunity to also honor my disappearing belongings over the years. When I say disappearing belongings, I mean these items are there one second and GONE the next (none of it is my fault).

I thought I'd start off with one of the biggest 'blows' to my missing collection of items. First you  have to understand my feelings. When I lose my phone I turn into a depressed, lost, sad girl. I also feel naked. I am disconnected from the world/the six people I talk to on a daily basis. After reading this story, I would like you to take the feelings I have when I lose my phone and multiply it by 50. 

The first incident happened on a boat. A steamboat taking me for a ride down the Brownville River where I was attending a new gentleman friend's fraternity formal. (Here is the link if you are interested in traveling on a steamboat in Brownville, NE, http://www.steamboats.org/traveller/missouri-river/brownville.html). Not only was I extremely nervous to be on a formal date, I didn't know anyone on this 'steamboat', in this frat, or in Brownville.  Some vodka would've helped with the nerves; however, I believe I was the only person on the boat still under 21.  (Sidenote: My parents dedided to enroll me in Kindergarten at the age of three, so I'm literally the youngest person in the class of 2004, across the US). A couple days before, I "came across" a wonderful fake i.d. a friend said looked just like me, when in reality Lois MacEntire of Missouri was 5'4", blonde, tan, no freckles, and 125 lb. Perfect! I had to go for it, apparently bartenders "don't even look anymore". I went to the bar for my first Vodka/Cranberry and either the bartender was blind or people were right because it worked! I was able to ease my nerves, loosin' up on this now lovely steamboat and even show off some of my sensational dance moves (or Lois' moves at the time).  My date and I moved to the back end of the boat where my stomach started to creep right back up to my throat where it had been before the vodka. I put my clutch under my arm and my date went in for a... hug? He was obviously nervous too since he was going in for a HUG! As he moved in, his hand punched my clutch out from under my armpit and it flew in slow motion to the bottom of the Brownville River. I quickly jumped in the dirty water to retrieve my clutch. Ok, not really, but I was seriously contemplating it. With my clutch (which was $1 from Target) went my lip gloss, camera, Lois and my Cricket phone, for a total of $10 worth of belongings. I couldn't even call my real friends to tell them my life had just drown in a river, the BROWNVILLE RIVER at that. My date and I stood there in silence with a slight smirk that more represented disbelief than ANY type of humor. Needless to say, I had to regroup my life after this, stop seeing the 'hugger', and figure out where I could get me another Lois.

You should be multiplying the 'phone feelings' by 50 right now and.....You just felt my pain.

Spirit of Brownville Riverboat

A few words of advice from Marilyn...

Based on the theme of this week's "Every Monday Matters: What matter's most?" task, I thought what better opportunity to talk about my family, the number one item on my list. Although my entire family makes for plenty of entertaining stories, I don't think there is anyone quite like my mother, Maryilyn.

A little background about Marilyn: she was born in Hampton, NE, and went on to graduate from UNL as an elementary music teacher. While marching in the UNL band, she met my father, Steve, who was tall, gangly, and funny/sarcastic, so obviously she ended up marrying him. Marilyn spent most of her early career in Seward, NE where she had two lovely daughters :) ,who in her eyes, should've always been 'farm girls' just like herself, but the move to the "Big City" affected us in a materialistic way. LINCOLN, NEBRASKA had really done us in. We were no longer as successful as we could've been at Seward High School (obviously, there are 25 other people in a class to compare us to, not hard), the traffic was terrible, and unlike our mother, we were spared several chores and spankings throughout our childhood.

Like most, after divorcing from Steve and several years of 'trying to work it out' (which in reality screwed us girls up even more!), Marilyn found herself giving out more advice than when we were children. Advice which she might need to take herself.

A few great tips from my mother:

• "Claire, make a list of Pros and Cons to decide if you want to break up with _____, if the con side is bigger, it's easy, dump him."
• Claire- "Mom, I think I could marry _____(NOT my ex, Tyler)____." Marilyn- "How's Tyler?"
• "Stupid."
• "I knew he wasn't right for you Claire, he reminds me of your dad." - Marilyn
• "Buncha weirdos out there." - after a few dates on match.com.
• "No wonder you can't remember anything, it's all those vodka shots...oops, spilled my beer."
• "You're gonna start paying the water and electric bill if you don't stop taking so many showers and leaving things plugged in." - Marilyn to me. I was 16.
• "I went over to your house to feed Chipper, you're gonna be mad at me...I unplugged a few things in your house." - I get home to find EVERY plug in my house unplugged.
•  "I don't get out much." Marilyn to the waitor/waitress every time we go out to dinner
• "She called me during Wheel (of Fortune), of course I'm not going to answer."
• "Lezzies"- referencing to Lesbians.
• "Claire, someone murdered Chipper (my cat). I called the police this morning."
• About cigarettes- "I don't actually inhale."
• Claire-"Mom! What the hell is that on the porch?" Marilyn- "Oh, that's the Possum I feed."

It's not many mothers that sit outside with you and your friends and talk for hours about anything and everything, leave the house when you say you're going to have a party, or support you in ANYTHING you have experienced or will experience. There are plenty of stories and quotes from my mother, but the best part about her is knowing her and her amazing heart. If you know me, you know my mother. ;)

Marilyn

I LOVE MY MOM!

EMM: What Matters Most

                         

It's the first Every Monday Matters post, on a  Tuesday, but this is the only time!

Monday- 5/9/2011    What Matters Most
There is more to life than working 8 hours a day, working out, eating dinner, and only having a few hours to spend with your loved ones if you aren't too distracted by Law and Order: SVU.  Time is precious and we often forget where our time should be distributed and what matters to us most.

The average person spends:
-100 hours a year commuting to work campared to 80 hours of vacation (not right).
- 40.5 hours AT work per week (more for people in California since your probably in the Entertainment Industry).
-2.6 hours a day watching tv and 8.6 hours a day sleeping.

TAKE ACTION:
1. Make a list of What Matters to You Most
2. Make a list of how you currently spend your time
3. Organize your list and find what activities are required and which ones are a waste of time.
4. Take steps to rearrange your schedule to reduce optional activities and do more of what matters most.

I have done the following steps, but not sure I will share them all on my blog today. However, I will share my list of ways I currently spend my time...

 

 

Every Monday Matters (EMM). Make a difference in 52 Mondays.

You might wonder what I am talking about when I say "Every Monday Matters". This is a chance for you to make a difference. I don't know who 'you' is, but whoever it is, be prepared, I might get a little 'deep' so if it makes you uncomfortable...suck it up.

I was recently blessed with a week long visit from my best friend and sister, Alicia Ann. Growing up, Alicia and I weren't always on the best terms. She wouldn't take me to Amigos when I asked, I couldn't hang out with her and her friends, we hit each other, we screamed at each other, we threw Super Nintendos at one another and we were big on slapping. Not to mention she was jealous every time I wore my 'Pow' shirt and I was jealous of her hiked up and scrunched down tube socks.

However, my last year in high school and nearing college, once Alicia stopped picking out my clothes and I stopped stealing hers, something really changed for us. I was no longer a nag and thief and she no longer ignored me in public. We began a friendship that I believe will always be the best friendship I ever have and will ever have. After finally being able to go 'out on the town' together, shopping together, spending Sister/Sister days together, living together and going on trips together it was time for me to go after what I've always wanted....sunny California.  I did everything I could to try and persuade my Alicia to come out here because the ocean was something I just couldn't give up. I had to be closer to whales.

Alicia has her life in Nebraska which is not easy to leave and I now have mine here that I don't think I could leave. Not to mention a handsome young man I gained from the move. But Alicia's visit made me think about life in general: what it's about, the paths we take, the choices we make and how every person has a different story.

During Alicia's visit on one of our 'Sister, Sister' days we went on a shopping excursion to Venice Beach. I found a book called, Every Monday Matters: 52 Ways to Make a Difference by Matthew Emerzian and Kelly Bozza. I thought this was a sign, it was my opportunity to start doing something new and different and find there is more to life than work, shopping, working out, and the material things. Here is my chance to give back and maybe my headstone will say more than -Avid Shopper and Dry Humorist- . I invited my boyfriend to help me with these small actions that can make a huge impact. I want to invite you to join in EVERY MONDAY!

I will post an action for every Monday for 52 Mondays- except the first one which is today! Feel free to read the attached story as well. ;)

Who Will It Be...?

2011 MTV MOVIE AWARDS

The MTV Movie Awards are back on June 5th. Jason Sudeikis is set to host the movie awards replacing the Hot Rod himself, Andy Samberg. I could only be so lucky to watch Andy Samberg host again for 2 hours straight. I guess I'll just get his SNL dvd's and that should be the equivalent. Either way, the nominees are out, the votes are rolling in so I thought....why not!? I voted, or at least the site made me think I voted.

BEST MOVIE
"Black Swan"
"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 1"
"Inception"
"The Social Network"
"The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"

Hmmmm...two of my ALL TIME favorite series are included in this category (The Pots and The Cullens), but I think I walked away from Inception thinking whoever created that film is a GENIUS! Or very creative.

       VOTE INCEPTION!

BEST MALE PERFORMANCE

Daniel Radcliffe, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 1"
Jesse Eisenberg, "The Social Network"
Robert Pattinson, "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"
Taylor Lautner, "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"
Zac Efron, "Charlie St. Cloud"

I have actually seen all the movies in this category EXCEPT Charile St. Cloud. Zac Efron was the male performer and cried on que. Enough said.

     VOTE CHARLIE (Zac)!

BEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE
Emma Stone, "Easy A"
Emma Watson, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 1"
Jennifer Aniston, "Just Go With It"
Kristen Stewart, "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"
Natalie Portman, "Black Swan"

Emma Stone is absolutely hilarious. When Stone appeared in SuperBad, I wondered, "why would they choose her for this role...what was so special?" After seeing Easy A and a few other films she's been in, I realized, she has a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. Sounds like someone I know ;)

           VOTE EMMA!



BEST COMEDIC PERFORMANCE
Adam Sandler, "Just Go With It"
Ashton Kutcher, "No Strings Attached"
Emma Stone, "Easy A"Russell Brand, "Get Him to the Greek"
Zach Galifianakis, "Due Date"

This category was diffcult, mainly because I've seen 3 of the 5 movies. However, from my critiques and ones I've heard of the other two movies, Get Him to the Greek made me laugh the hardest I have since The Hangover, so I credit Russell Brand to a large portion of my laughter.

               VOTE BRAND!



BEST BREAKOUT STAR
Andrew Garfield, "The Social Network"
Chloë Grace Moretz, "Kick-Ass"
Hailee Steinfeld, "True Grit"
Jay Chou, "The Green Hornet"
Olivia Wilde, "Tron: Legacy"

I HAVE NOT SEEN 3 OF THE 5 MOVIES. I did not vote for this category in case my votes really did matter. So let's just say we...

          VOTE JUSTIN!



BEST LINE FROM A MOVIE
Alexys Nycole Sanchez, "Grown Ups"
"I want to get chocolate wasted."
Amanda Bynes and Emma Stone, "Easy A"
"There's a higher power that will judge you for your indecency." "Tom Cruise?"
Jesse Eisenberg, "The Social Network"
"If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook."
Justin Timberlake and Andrew Garfield, "The Social Network"
"A million dollars isn't cool. You know what's cool?" "A billion dollars. And that shut everybody up."
Tom Hardy, "Inception"
"You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger darling."

I laughed out loud at this quote more than any of the others; therefore,

VOTE CHOCOLATE SANCHEZ!

BEST SCARED-AS-... MOMENT
Ashley Bell, "The Last Exorcism"
Ellen Page, "Inception"
Jessica Szohr, "Piranha 3D"
Minka Kelly, "The Roommate"
Ryan Reynolds, "Buried"

Stupid category.

          VOTE JUSTIN!



BEST JAW-DROPPING MOMENT
James Franco, "127 Hours"
Justin Bieber, "Justin Bieber: Never Say Never"
Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page, "Inception"
Natalie Portman, "Black Swan"
Steve-O, "Jackass 3D"

I'm sure everyone will be voting for James Franco's moment, but I literally dropped my jaw when Natalie started to rip the feather out of her nail. I then almost threw up in my mouth a little and then had to shut my jaw, before closing my eyes for the rest of the movie in case that same scene happened again. So....

        VOTE NATALIE!

BEST VILLAIN
Christoph Waltz, "The Green Hornet"
Leighton Meester, "The Roommate"
Mickey Rourke, "Iron Man 2"
Ned Beatty, "Toy Story 3"
Tom Felton, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 1"

Mickey Rourke scares me when he's not acting, so he pretty much has my vote for this category every time he is nominated.

        VOTE MICKEY!

(Looks like some of my friends from NE)

BEST FIGHT
Amy Adams vs. the sisters, "The Fighter"
Chloë Grace Moretz vs. Mark Strong, "Kick-Ass"
Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint vs. Death Eaters, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 1"
Joseph Gordon-Levitt vs. Hallway Attacker, "Inception"
Robert Pattinson vs. Bryce Dallas Howard and Xavier Samuel, "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"

This category was difficult one for my personalities to come to an agreement on.  I have the side that is fierce so I love the Amy Adams vs. the sisters fight because Amy has red hair and the whole dynamic between the two is hilarious. Twilight because the floor shook in real life when a wolf would tumble and it sparked my adventurous side, and Harry Potter because I almost peed my pants at that part, SCARY! But the part of me that loves how creative and intense the fight was in Inception won.

VOTE GORDON-LEVITT!

BIGGEST BADASS STAR
Alex Pettyfer, "I Am Number Four"
Chloë Grace Moretz, "Kick-Ass"
Jaden Smith, "The Karate Kid"
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, "Inception"
Robert Downey Jr., "Iron Man 2"

I have only seen 2 of the 5. Not substantial for an educated vote...

                 VOTE JUSTIN!

BEST KISS
Ellen Page and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, "Inception"
Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- Part 1"
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"
Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner, "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse"
Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, "Black Swan"

I'm not a 'lez' BUT....

VOTE NATALIE AND MILA!

Please Vote as I have here or else...WATCH OUT!