A Halloween "Whore" Night

Halloween. The holiday that allows people to dress up like someone they are not (if they are not already doing this on a regular basis). It is the holiday that allows people to get away with wearing little to no clothing and say, "I'm not a whore, it's Halloween". Who cares if  the temperature is below zero; this is the one weekend we can go out in a bra and underwear and not be questioned, except by homeless people but they always have questions. Regardless of the slutty costumes, Halloween still doesn't make sense to me. I can't understand why people enjoy gathering in public places and intentionally getting the crap scared out of them? Personally, I think it sounds terrible. The thought of being chased by people I know scares me to death so you can imagine how I feel when I'm being chased by people I don't know wearing masks and carrying chainsaws. However, this weekend I decided to put my preconceived notions about Halloween aside and I put my friends before fright.

We went to Universal's Halloween Horror Night where I experienced more terrifying clowns, haunted houses, blood and gore, and screams than I ever have in my 25 Halloweens. Probably because I have only been to one Haunted House in Lincoln, NE which I've pretty much blocked out of my life. As we entered Universal, we were greeted by an eight foot tall clown speaking into a microphone, "Look what we have, the Halloween Whores!" I just gave a nod like this was a normal statement and kept walking. I was told if you make eye contact, you're dead, so I let this "comedian" talk badly about my friends.

The Halloween Horror Night started with six shots of Patron, it was necessary for me therefore it was necessary for everyone else. That's just the kind of drinker I am. Next, we went on a tram ride which I presumed I would be able to scrunch down in my chair and sit in the middle of the six girls, but then the tram came to an abrupt stop. We were told to get off the tram and head toward the men holding chainsaws with their backs turned to us. I screamed that I wasn't getting off, similar to a four year-old, and I was met with a "YOU HAVE TO!" I jumped off to meet 10 masked men running towards us with chainsaws. Cool. We were led through the movie sets, so it was difficult to take in my favorite place in the world, Whoville, while being chainsawed and grabbed. Not as pleasant as I had imagined it. The rest of the evening consisted of taking advice from a bunch of 12 year-olds on what was the scariest Haunted Houses and navigating through 'scare zones' full of freaks and a zombie midget. Luckily, Jenna was able to get on his level and scare him off with her boyish scream.

After evaluating the evening, I found the green midgets which I thought were statues and the dead ladies holding babies that popped out at us to be the scariest and also created a new fear of mine, but all in all the night was a frightful success. I had a buzz about 3/4 of the time, almost broke two of my friends arms, and ended the night with a pleasant Simpson's virtual roller coaster ride. I still can't say I understand the meaning of these 'intentional gatherings', but I know my friends (one in particular) had one of the best nights EVER which makes the scares and $52 (plus shots) well worth it.

What would I do without my FREAKS!?!